For years women have been asking me some version of, “What should I do?” The situations range from “I haven’t heard from him, should I call him?” to “I’m not getting what I need, should I tell him?”

The most important thing determining the answers to these questions is where they are answered from. On a practical, everyday basis, women have two options in relating to men: Adversaries or Partners. Each approach will yield different answers to the above questions and determine your behavior overall.

In an adversarial relationship, men and women are on different sides. There is always a winner and a loser. In most places where you find dependency, you will find adversarial relationships. Between children and their parents, between employees and employers, for example, and anywhere that men and women are certain they can’t live without each other.

Power in an adversarial relationship is limited. One must always be concerned with who has more. It’s all about strategizing, maneuvering, and figuring out how to get what you need from the other. You have to be careful, concerned, smart and concealing. Plan your moves and don’t give away your real feelings or intentions.

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